Close Ones

Oh how it always seem to be the closest ones in our lives that take us for granted most of the time. Time passes, explanations become few, and taking chances grow. Oh when will we ever learn.

No Escape

I felt so down from everything, being numb don't last long. Even the computer wouldn't get my mind off things. So I picked up my ukulele, and lay down on my bed to play while stoning. And when I closed my eyes for a moment, 2 hours flew by. I woke up realizing I had been cuddling my ukulele asleep. It sure wasn't as soft as Mr.Teddy, but it still was something I could cling on to.
The world is a cold place, a place I'll never understand. I feel out of this world, no one seems to be able to see what I see. Out of force and overflowed suffering, I tried to make myself numb to pain, ignoring it just like how I see the world does it. I knew it won't last for long, but I was left with no choice. And so the day that all the ice I've froze around my heart got broken down, sooner than I thought it would happen.

There's no more escape, reality is here. I need something, that I can cling on to. Like how I hug my baby pillow to sleep every night, that touch of assurance. I know I have it, but I yearn more than just words. I believe that actions speak louder than words, I know things can be better. That's my wish.

But yet again if whatever situation I am put through would be glorifying to you, it is my will too.

Two In The Morning

Yup, it's 2am.

I was supposed to sleep 2 hours ago.

But I went to 2 things, that unglued my heart into 2.

Yes, unglued, not break; because it was already broken, frozen water held it together.

From the start long ago I knew something.

Something that was never shown, but yet I saw it; and yet not by sight.

Because it was never revealed, I tried telling myself it's just me.

But finally once again realize and got reminded that no, it's not me, it's reality.

I'd hope and pray for honesty, true and pure and nothing left.

Just one day would be enough.

Because the only way that's left to fix a shattered jar heart, is not to use any glue; no matter what kind of special super glue.

Because we all know glue is temporary, it's a cover up.

No craftsman glues his broken glass and sell it.

To fix a broken glass, first ask, how was glass made.

That's how to get it back to one piece again; without lines nor scars of the past.

But in the end, God holds everything.

If the path was chosen to be led wrong; if our last hope is in eternity, I hope we'd greet with genuine smiles and a perfect heart made mend by Christ.

Breakdown.

Disappointment

Dear Sansa, I am sorry. :(

I don't think I'm able to get you to me. Or at least, for quite some time.

Be it weeks, months, years...

I don't want to be counting.

Being excited all over you and spending my heart and effort blogging about you, I've come today to report my gentle disappointment.

No don't ask, I don't want to mention it.

Yes, Sansa. I may sound crazy.

But I love music.

...

WHO WHAT is Sansa?!

Read here: http://jesslynlcl.blogspot.com/2012/03/ipod-classic-to-sansa-clip-zip.html

Everything happens for a reason.

Goodbye, iPod Classic

Here is my last goodbye.

iPod Classic To A Sansa Clip Zip

Dear computer screen, little puppies, and you.

I decided to let go my white iPod classic 5th gen for a white Sansa Clip Zip instead.

WHY?!

Alright, firstly. Ever since my exam ended and high school was over, I didn't find myself using the iPod as much. I started to get bored of it because of its sound. It was q big disappointment when I first got my iPod but found out I couldn't find a good equalizer preset, and there was no custom equalizer unlike the old Creative Muvo. But I bared with it, and it was totally not a problem when I got my dream high quality earphones by Koss for my birthday. Until one day, one side of it doesn't seem to work. So I sent it for warranty, but till today it haven't came back. It's been more than half a year, and I really miss it. Since it was away, my iPod doesn't seem to appeal to me even when I feel like listening to some good music. Sometimes, I update my songs only once in a while because transferring may sometimes be a hassle, having to use softwares. And one thing about it is that even when I connect the iPod to my dad's hi-fi player, all the songs are mixed up with no title - or more like weird titles such as 'AZTK'. So I'll be clicking the next button more than I listen to any song. But I guess that's the way Mac does things. I highly respect Apple products, and I'd dare give my opinion that Apple has the best apps. Yup, I still enjoy using my iTouch, just a little complain on the little storage I have. :P

As for music, I'd say I would want to have a good sound or equalizer that enhances and brings out the music to life without having to blast at all. And for that case, I searched Google on the top 10 MP3 players. Guess what? I found the Sansa range. What is Sansa? It's actually from SanDisk. One of the best memory card producers in the world. I never thought they'd actually have MP3 players! But it's also because in our country we savvy Apple products, I heard that Sansa wasn't brought in to Malaysia because of that. Hmp! :(

But now that I found it... Here's my say.

It's half the size of the iPod classic. Maybe smaller.

It has a clip! (Would've considered iPod nano 6th gen for this feature)

Custom sound equalizer!

Deleting songs directly from the device. (Just like the Creative Muvo!)

Battery life up to 15 hours?

And... Expandable memory?! Wow.

There are so much more actually, but those were the highlights for me. There's even a built-in mic for recording, a color screen that can display the album art, on-the-go playlists, oh and you can install Rockbox. I'm new to Rockbox, but it's an open source, and it's like... Rockbox (Android, Mac, etc.) Yup! Apparently I can change my theme and stuffs like that as long as I have Rockbox installed! Some even tested that with Rockbox player, battery life can actually last up to 16 over hours!

You can even play games on it, download all you want. Audio books, timer, etc. They're just too many to list for this simple lil' gadget.

But my point is just purely for listening to good music, because I know that I will get bored of the features over time. :P But that was good enough!

I wanted to consider getting the Sansa Fuze, but it didn't have the clip. It's almost like the iPod classic. But oh well. :) And before even considering the Sansa Clip Zip, I was contemplating between the Clip and Clip+. The Clip looked better but it has no expandable memory, whereas the Clip+ had a two-toned screen, yellow and blue. The yellow is the biggest turn-off. And so I looked at the Clip Zip, which has a color screen and updated features. Though I could get a Fuze with almost the same price, I thought I'd fit my needs first. And I'm cool with this! Oh and not to mention, Sansa is way affordable! No wonder it's in the top 10 MP3 players list. ;) Now I'll be waiting excitingly for my white Sansa Clip Zip to arrive to my doorstep. :B It shall be my new baby, and this one is a definite no excuse to not bring it anywhere I go! :)

Pink Striped Nails

Hey guys! This is totally random stuff here.

I really had no idea what to paint on my nails, then the idea of stripes came in.

Actually, I started off painting black on white, horizontally. Either it doesn't suit me, or I just think it didn't look so good. So I tried pink, sideways.

And here's what I got!

Quite happy with the results! :)

Now I know what to paint on my nails this Christmas. Red stripes on white, like a candy cane! :D

To-Do List

Here are my list of things to be done! I really felt like doodling. It feels so long since I last draw. But well, yea... That's a lot of things to explain if I were to list them down in words. So there you go, if you could actually guess what each doodle means. :) I'm being a little random today, just felt like blogging! Oh right, it's been years and I think I should give my blog a little makeover. Don't you think?

{+:Project LOVE}

This is a little something we did on Valentine's Day this 2012. It was totally a last minute inspiration, and we started the 'project' just the night before. We brainstormed and searched for some meaningful quotes to give to the public, then printed and cut each of the quote into name card sized, on the next day (Valentine's Day) itself. We also got ourselves helium heart balloons and wrote 'Free Hugs' so we could carry the message wherever we go.
As we give these out, we got a lil discouraged especially when we get rejected by people thinking we are some promoters or charity etc. and when we got stopped by a mall's management team for the reason of disturbing their customers. But that was our challenge, to be able to move on even though people try to push us down. And there are no reason for us to stop, but get back up again! :)
At some points, people ask us where are we from and why are we doing these. We tell them with a big smile, we're not from anywhere or representing anything, we're doing all these for one purpose, and that purpose is love! :) I remember just before we went back, Marissa gave one of her last quotes to this lady who was sitting by the roadside. We were about to go ahead but I had the urge to give her my helium balloon and hug, and to my surprise she was so happy and told me how stressed she was earlier! I'm sure she went home with a happy heart. :) Also, this man had a long talk with us, as we try to explain what the quote means, in a different dialect. He definitely paused to smile, after his long day of work. He told us, we were very special and he has never seen such thing before. And that definitely made us smile too! :)
At the end of the day, we managed to give out all 212 quotes. Although it is not a big amount, I bet we made a difference to that 212! :)

*Update: I woke up to know that I had 212 views already! I wonder what's with the number 212, but I know it's the year 2012! Well that's a lot of love to me, thank you so much for watching! Hope this made your day! :D

Why keep love when we can give? :)
Hope that this video made YOUR day too! *HUGS* ♥

To Marissa, Christian, Shum and Kadri, thank you for everything! Love you guys :)

- Jesslyn L


Ps. Sorry for the really poor quality pictures, we didn't have any photographer to help us, so we just used iPod camera instead! :)
That was 6 over hours of video editing for a 3 minute video, but it sure is worth it if this could share the love around!
Again, THANKS FOR WATCHING, GOD BLESS YOU! ♥

BU Prom 2011

Was held at Tropicana Golf & Country Club. Marissa and I went there as photographers for Rhonwyn. We wore identical outfits and the camera necklace I recently made. Proud to be a photographer. :)

Met up with Junmey, met Daniel from Wanted Symphony and got their stickers. Later, we chilled at the cafeteria downstairs and had a drink. Was due to an unexpected black out at the whole surrounding area, so we kinda had 2 hours of candlelight dinner. :P But the whole black out was what made the night unforgettable! So the line up of events and performances started at about 9.45pm.
Kendrick started by performing 2 songs, one dedicated to his date.
Then there were performances by ABeatC beatboxing and some dances to it.
Zenny Salidhuddin who previously studied at BU also came to perform her single, Kau Kau.
There was a lil break, and then Wanted Symphony performed.
People were dancing and having fun all around, and Marissa and I were photographing the moments of the night. :)
The stage, the lights, the music... I loved the atmosphere so much!
Not to forget the dressed and the prom king and queen announcement and prize giving.
Guess who were the prom king and queen? Jeanne and Alex! Awwe they were so sweet together, danced the night and, xoxo!
I smiled behind the camera. :)
After that was like a disco clubbing atmosphere, just music, lights and dance!
That was about it. A night as a photographer, met with great friends I don't meet often and many new awesome people. I enjoyed the night. :) We got home at almost 2am.
The night was stuck in my head, although I was just the event photographer. But it surely was a success and a very memorable night and experience! :)
Thank you Rhonwyn and BU for having is there. :) Pictures will be uploaded on my Facebook!

Eye Doctor

Hello mello! I had an appointment with the eye doctor this morning because of my scary red eye on the left part of my left eye. It had been about a month and it's not getting any better.

So Janning fetched my dad and I to the government hospital nearby, which is also the place Janning is working at. Cool huh.

After waiting about an hour plus, my number was finally called. First, I checked my eyesight. Then I waited again for my turn to see the eye doctor.

I think I spent about half an hour with the doctor. She asked me questions and I drowned her with all my conditions. Okay, I actually forgot to tell her about some other conditions of my eyes weeks ago. But ah it's over. :)

It wasn't so nice for my pair of poor eyes. They got poked by a twisted cotton, touched with some special paper, drowned by various eye drops, even a temporary dyed eye drop. Daddy said I looked like incredible hulk for a moment. 8)

They also checked my eye pressure. How weird is that. Yet again they used this funny tool or whatever it is called to touch my eyes. You know, I hate things touching my eyes. It's painful! I never dared to wear contacts. Maybe because I also have dry eyes.

Right, dry eyes. At the end, the doctor said that my left eye is really really very dry. So she prescribed me two medications, one of them is some mild steroid drops, another one I had to buy myself at a pharmacy. It's the preservative-free artificial tears. See the picture? There are 30 tubes in a box. Not cheap. One tube can only last a day because there's no preservatives.

And that's about it.

Well, it was kinda cool because Janning works there. I didn't have to take a number and wait to collect the steroid drops. Then we chatted a while as we waited for my mum to come pick us up.

My left eye was half blind by then. I've no idea what the doctor put on my eye but dad and my sis said it wasn't really red anymore. It felt as if I had some bad cataract. So blur and glaring! But after a few hours, which is right now, my vision is back to normal.

Well, thank God for everything that went well today! :)

Thank God for my eyes so I could see. ♥

Joe Brooks Contest Submission

Hi everyone! I'm tuning into Fly.FM right now waiting for the results.

I really hope I was early enough - I submitted mine an hour before Jay Dee's Music Revolution.

I'd like to share my little art for Joe here with everyone. :)

My question for Joe is: 'Why do I blow my lines every time you're on Fly.FM?'

If you're wondering what this is all about, the contest details are here: http://apps.flyfm.com.my/exclusive/joebrooks/

My favorite song by Joe Brooks is SUPERMAN! :)

xoxo

Plans After Exams

I know it's been quite a long hiatus here, months at least... There goes the life of a high school leaver, well half year of it maybe. But I'm here to update that I'll be back real soon, with improvements to come! :) I'm feeling so anticipated and I just can't wait for it, SPM is going to be over in just 6 days! I remember when the numbers were like 150, 149, 148... Like whoa, I've been through all these days thick and thin! Okay I think I sound a little high at the moment? I'm so excited, let me just share with you some of the things I'm looking forward to do right after SPM.

1) Get my 'toy' lens!
Toy lens? Well many people call it a toy basically because the particular model of the lens I'm about to get costs real cheap. Or else I wouldn't even afford it! But well, I love everything else about it. What lens? I'll probably make a little review on it. So stay tuned!

2) Get a music keyboard!
Somewhere back in my older posts, I wrote about the Yamaha Tyros keyboards. Those are just a dream to get one. :( But well, after about 7 years of wanting a keyboard, my dad finally allowed me to get one! All on me, of course. But for the love of music, I can't complain! Well I do have a piano, not exactly mine but it's at home. It's probably over 30 years old, it sounds great, it's a Yamaha, but the parts need to be changed because at random times, the keys would get 'stuck' and wouldn't sound and that would cost the price of a keyboard. So I thought maybe I'll get a keyboard, since it has so many other functions. Maybe when I get my own house then I'll fix the piano. But anyway, playing the piano can make me happy, and it can also make me cry. It's like some mood communication only music can speak. Yes, that's how I describe it.

3) Blog, blogshop, photography blog, etc.
It's going to be a little makeover. I plan to get more motivated to blog all my thoughts and share it with everyone. Well, whatever happened in my lifetime, good or bad, are blessings. So I just thought, why not bless others with this life that I'm being blessed with? :) I hope time and discipline would work together for this, I admit I have a lot of sites. 8)

4) YouTube!
Whether is it a cover, a short film, a composed song or a message... I hope to find a suitable name for my channel and work on it. Yes, I've to get out of my comfort zone and stop being shy, it won't take me anywhere. :) Well this one is a little challenge though, because I'll need my family to be out of the house before I can do any recording. Nope, I don't have a room to myself, nor a soundproof room. So I'll just do with what I could. :) Maybe I should make better recordings of my previous composes... Anyway, next one:

5) Driving license!
I always dream of driving, both awake and asleep. Yes, a million times. I don't know why. But I know I fell in love with the bumper cars I played when I was probably 5 years old? And we used to have this toy that has a mini screen with a steering wheel and would work with 6 huge sized batteries. I loved it, I'd even go imaginary driving without the batteries on! And then car games, I remember I was about to be the top 50 players in the world for this game called Topspeed. That was just 3 years back. :P And 2 years back? I drove my friend's little car. With their guidance of course! It was just a little stroll around the roundabout and I hardly pressed any petrol but seriously, that joy sparkled my night! And then my dad finally had a little trust on me to drive his car. I drove about 3 different short times, I guess. He guided me on the manual steering. And on the third time, my mum was in the car as well. And I showed her my driving. I still remember, I accelerated and came to a stop as smooth and steadily. Oh, but I did not get to drive anymore after that because my dad's car's clutch is wearing off and he won't allow me to touch it. So oh well, I'll wait till I learn driving. :)

6) Cooking, baking, household etc.
I hope this works out, I want to discipline myself to do some of the daily chores my mum had been doing for twenty over years, daily. Well surely cooking and grocery shopping is surely not a problem, in fact I look forward to it! Oh I love cooking food out of the daily style of home-cooked food I eat everyday, so I always come out with some impromptu dishes that may be so good that sometimes I don't know how I made it, but if course I have the failures too. :) But well yea, I hope at least for these few months before college, I'll learn how to do the many things I hardly do.

7) Exercise.
Be it a stroll around the park, basketball, cycling, jogging, badminton... I just need to feel healthy after living with all these stacks of books for I don't know how long. It's not nice to be sick! :)

8) Art, crafts, etc.
The usuals. But I've been abandoning them for quite some time!

9) Mosaic community studio.
I know SPM had been a big burden to me, but not any longer soon! :)

10) The project.
School's over, what project? Well it's basically a plan I had in mind 2 years ago, and after going through thick and thin, praying and praying, I guess it's time I commit everything to God. I'll just do my best and leave the rest. It is better to take risks than nothing at all. :) Again, what project am I talking about? Okay, time will unveil these things. ;)

11) Korean spectacles.
Random? No. I had been wearing specs since primary 6, but no I never dared to wear it in public! Okay I do sometimes. But really, after the excessive studying and facing electronic screens, my eye sight is getting bad. Just bad. It should be time I wear my specs full time. I'll get one that suits me. Well Korean plastics are really famous and they suit almost everyone so, most probably I'll be getting one too! :)

I was supposed to stop at 10, but never mind, more is good. ;) That's just some of my sneak peeks of what I want to do after my exams. Yup, just some. Crazy? That's me. ;) Overall, I'll need a very very good time management and discipline to get all the above and more in my daily to-do's. So here goes my update, stay tuned!

Pain

Pain can't be seen, but can be felt.
The worst thing is to fake a smile and let people see how fine we are, but yet the inside is a bleeding heart.
Sometimes I'm so hurt, I say things opposite of what I mean, wishing to be proven wrong. But many times I'm left with a broken heart. Well, they can't see my hurt, can they. My face is like a book cover. Don't judge a book by it's cover. Looks can be deceiving.

Well one thing I'm sure about is that, no matter how left out or alone I feel in this world, I am not left out or alone in God's presence. He loves me and will never ever leave me. He mends the broken hearted. He died on the cross for you and me. While we were still sinners, He loved us and forgave us. What a friend we have in Jesus. :')

Life Purpose

This is your life, are you who you want to be?

What we do, counts. Your one single life matters, whether or not you realize it.

Our creation is not an accident; And it is only through our Creator that we can find our purpose of life. :)

I'm slowly starting to see my purpose in this life God has given me.

It is really amazing to see how the little imperfect puzzle pieces go into place as we grow.

It takes time to see these revelations. I am amazed and delighted. ♥

You know, life can be really hard.

It's not easy, it can be a struggle at times.

But, it is only during the darkest times when we could see how bright the stars are. :)

For if we didn't fall, how could we get up?

If we never failed, how would we learn?

If we never felt pain, will we appreciate love?

You may have heard, 'we never know what we've got till we've lost them'.

It is true, because it is our nature that we take things for granted.

But no, that's not how we should be!

I am writing this to you who are reading it and also to myself. I am honored that you're reading this, and I believe it's no accident that you're reading this post now. :)

Talents. We are all given this gift. It's a matter of when do we open it, and how do we choose to use it.

I'd like to use it for the good and right purposes, and share it. So that...

" When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything You gave me." ~Erma Bombeck "

The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose. :)

Thanks for reading! ♥

God Bless You.