Haih.

It's 5.45a.m. now. I woke up at 5a.m. . You may think I'm crazy. I guess I am.
Well, I made coffee. Like yuck, I hate coffee. Hot coffee especially. I only love outside coffee, so nice, but how often do I even take a sip?
I forced myself to drink one whole cup. Yuck. I brushed my teeth instantly after I drank it -.- And now I'm eating a bowl of instant noodles.
It's quite addictive, some people eat it everyday.
Crazy, it's very very very bad for health..
I ate it yesterday morning. and 3 days before's breakfast.
You know, I barely touch instant noodles you know..
Haih.
Wow, so dark now. I can barely see the keyboard.
It's okay I guess, sun will be rising soon.
Hmm, you may be wondering, why on earth did I get up so early??
Oh well, as usual, I've been wondering ever since I was a little child.
Like why on earth do you treat me so bad?
As a sister, sharing the same room, why do you love seeing me cry because of you?
I am a person who cannot get angry that often, instead, I get sad. Very sad.
Since small, you love to bang things when you see me. Or even not see me, but aware that I'm at home.
I've been hearing you mumble in the middle of the night sine small. Making noise to make sure I don't have a goodnight sleep.
Mumbling all kinds of I don't know what kind of badwords and foul words to me.
Till 2something in the morning I suppose?
But hey, that's like so, so, early. Right now, you do that till 5a.m. almost everyday.
Correct, I can't bare my headache, so I woke up.
I wonder if God is giving me such patience till I have my own house.
Like hey, do I mumble all that to you? Do I make noise when I know you're sleeping? Do I bang things at you even if I see you leaving your cup and plate on my study table?
I even cleared my table so clean and neat and gave you a share to put all your stuff, you just don't appreciate whatever I do for you.
Perhaps, in your mind you think what I do is not for you.
Do you know you're just such a big person in my life?
Do you know why I chose not to fix up the piano?
I know you'll be grumbling and mumble more and bang things when you hear me play the piano, especially when you're sleeping, and also when you're not, because this piano make a beautiful loud sound. But now, it's like sick, it has to go hospital, because it's not functioning well, and still, I'm not seeking help for it. I don't want your attitude to get worse. I know you'll be steaming up when I play, because, you see, I sleep at night and wake up in the morning, so I play and do all my stuff during the day time. But you're totally opposite, like an owl.
So when can I ever, ever practice my piano?
Wanting a keyboard for a reason, there's a volume control. So you ngek all day.
And I also wonder, if you don't like your pimples to pop out, why don't you even listen to dad and mum?
They always advice you to sleep at night. But you don't listen. And then you complain about all that pimple and acne and bang more stuff, show your temper.
Do you know, me, as the smallest sister at home, have no one to tell my feelings?
Since I was a kid, I can't tell it to mum or dad, or you or Jann.
You see, when I just tell one of my feelings, that I am sad about your attitude, either to mum or dad, they'll just give an angry face and say, aiyah don't care la, why you care?
And for mum, oh well, at least she's my best friend too, I talk to her a lot in the day time. But when I start the first sentence of trying to let my feelings out, she gets mad. And it's so scary when she's mad.
And for Jann? She's also my best friend. But I can barely let my feelings out to her, number one, she has no time, she's studying, she's sms'ing, she have things to do and have friends to be with. So I'll just be mad and insane and laugh all about when I'm with her.
Acting like a loli shota.
Well, even if I tell my feelings out, I will cry. Instantly. Well, because all my life I never really expressed my feelings by mouth before.
Well, yea, I am crying now.
Yeah yeah, call me cry baby. I don't care, not because I don't admit, but I can't tolerate all these stuff, but yet I have no other choice bbut to be patient.
Oh well, 14 year's passed, I have another 10 years to wait. Going to be 9 years left soon.
Oh yea, and mum always let her feelings and temper out when I'm there.
It's like, I'm always there for her. And yet I feel proud of it.
And when I do wrong, she scolds me. When my sisters do wrong, she'll also 'scold' me.
She don't let my sisters hear what she feels about their doings. She'll just let it out to me.
But the sad point is, whenever I want to let my feelings out, she will just ask me to keep quiet lah. And it's like 24 hours she's busy, so like might as well don't talk at all? You see, in the morning she wakes up, she'll be doing housework already. Then she may go online. Then she'll do all kinds of housework, like gardening, cooking, house chores. Then usually when she's reading newspaper, she'll be quiet. So that's when I feel maybe at least she'll just listen to me.
But yet in return, -.- she say go play with Turffy la. (means shhh... =,-)
HAIH. Oh well, a person like me. Have never let my true feelings out before. And I guess that's a sickness, now I don't even know how to let it out. Let my deepest feelings out.
Haih....................................
There are so many things I have to say, and then I'll forget them.
Yeah, it became a sickness. Haih.
I'm too used to escaping from all my feelings.
Oh well............